The Illusion of the Better Next Step: Chasing a Future That Always Seems Easier

From the time we're young, many of us fall into a the followin pattern: the belief that the next stage of life will be better, easier, or more fulfilling. This “illusion of the better next step” is something almost everyone experiences. We look ahead, imagining that the future will solve the challenges of the present, and it always seems much brighter than where we are right now. Yet, as we progress through each stage, we often, if not saying always, find that the next step isn’t as simple as we imagined. Instead, it comes with new complexities, challenges, and responsibilities, and we convince ourselves that if this step isn’t better, then surely the next one will be.

Kindergarten Dreams of School

As young children in preschool, we look up to older kids who go to school. We hear stories about school, and it seems like a magical place. For many, going to school feels like a big upgrade, an entry into a new world of knowledge and independence. But when we finally get there, we realize that school comes with homework, rules, and responsibilities we didn’t anticipate. The simplicity of kindergarten fades, and soon we’re looking ahead again.

The School-to-High School Transition

Once we settle into school life, the new dream often becomes high school. We look forward to becoming a teenager, imagining the freedom, social life, and sense of being "cool" that comes with it. We believe that high schoolers have it all figured out. But when we arrive, we’re met with academic pressure, peer challenges, and the first real questions about our future, as well as the hormonal changes of the age. The carefree days of earlier schooling now seem like a distant memory. Now, we’re focused on the next escape: college.

The College Dream: Freedom and Real-World Experience

During high school, we start preparing for the next leap: college or university. We imagine the excitement of living independently, studying subjects we’re passionate about, and gaining freedom from the daily routine of high school. College represents that fresh start where we can reinvent ourselves. Yet, for many, the college experience comes with its own challenges: juggling coursework, financial pressures, and the struggle to balance social life with academics. Suddenly, the structure of high school seems much simpler by comparison. And, as graduation looms, we begin to dream for a life free from exams and assignments—waiting for the day when we’ll finally step into the “real world.”

Adulthood: The Reality Check

Graduation day comes, and now we face the world of real adults. We imagine the relief of earning our own money and making our own decisions. But, as we start our careers, new challenges emerge: long hours, office politics, and the pressure to perform and succeed. We realize that life is not just about choosing a career; it's about maintaining work-life balance, paying bills, and thinking about future stability. The carefree days of college now seem simpler, and we laugh at our younger selves for thinking those were the hardest days of our lives.

Parenthood: The Waiting Game

This cycle doesn’t end with work. When the first child is born, there’s an overwhelming mix of joy and responsibility. Sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and the challenges of balancing parenting with everything else can feel incredibly tough. We reassure ourselves with the thought, “It’ll get easier when the baby is older.” Then comes the toddler phase, and we think, “It’ll be better when they start school.” But each stage brings its own set of challenges: the tantrums of toddlerhood, the independence struggles of preteens, and the rollercoaster of teenage years. As we navigate these phases, we sometimes look back at the sleepless nights of infancy with nostalgia, realizing that each phase had its own unique simplicity, even if it didn’t feel that way at the time. Meanwhile, we often forget (though it's great if not always) to truly enjoy each moment of our child's growth.

Business and Entrepreneurship: The Endless Next Step

This illusion is also deeply rooted in the world of business and entrepreneurship. When starting a new business, the challenges can feel overwhelming—finding the right market, managing cash flow, or building a customer base. We think, “Once we have a steady stream of clients, it will get easier.” But then, new challenges arise: scaling operations, managing a growing team, dealing with competition, press, regulations, and financial crises. At every stage, we believe the next phase will bring relief, but it rarely does. Instead, we look back and realize that the early struggles—though difficult—were simpler in their own way. Each step brings new responsibilities and complexities, and we come to understand that challenges are a constant part of the journey. It’s like lifting weights at the gym—each time, the weights get heavier before you can fully adjust to the previous ones, except in this case, you don't get to decide how much more weight is added.

Health and Wellbeing: Waiting for Tomorrow

Our health journey is another area where we often fall into the trap of waiting for the better next step. When we’re young, we don’t think much about our health, imagining that we’ll always have the energy and resilience we do now. As we get older, we start to experience the first signs of aging or feel the consequences of poor habits. We think, “Once I start working out, I’ll feel better,” or “I’ll focus on my health once I get through this busy phase.” But as life continues, new stresses and responsibilities take up our time, and the idea of a perfectly healthy, stress-free future remains elusive.

The Human Condition: Always Looking Ahead

This pattern of looking forward to a better future is deeply human. It’s what drives us to pursue goals, improve ourselves, and strive for something greater. But it also creates a cycle of dissatisfaction, where we’re never fully present in the moment or appreciative of the current stage of life. Psychologists often refer to this as the "arrival fallacy"—the mistaken belief that happiness and fulfillment lie just beyond the next goal or milestone.

I believe that focusing on the journey is much better, but without forgetting about the destination. It is natural to plan and dream about the future, but it’s also important to find joy in the present moment.

The Reality: Embracing Each Stage

The truth is, life doesn’t necessarily get easier as we move forward—it just changes. Each stage brings new opportunities, but also new complexities. The key is to embrace each phase for what it is, rather than rushing toward the next one in search of something easier or better. It’s about finding meaning in the challenges of today and recognizing that, often, those struggles are shaping us into stronger, more resilient individuals.

Finding Balance: Learn, Grow, and Appreciate

Whatever you do or work on should be accompanied by positive moments. If it isn’t, then it might be time to rethink what you’re doing. I’ve seen many people dedicate decades of their lives to pursuing a better future without finding joy in the present, and years later, they still haven’t started enjoying their lives. It’s because that elusive “next step” never gets easier, and the chance to enjoy life never seems to come. If you don’t make time for something now, you may never get the same opportunity later. But it's never too late to start, and I truly believe that there’s no such thing as impossible. It’s all about understanding the scale of your goals and balancing your expectations according to the stage of life you’re in.

So, what can we do to break this cycle? It might sound simple—and it's probably advice we've all heard many times. As is often the case, the hardest questions have simple answers, but that doesn’t make them easy to put into practice. It starts with being mindful of the present moment. Instead of focusing solely on how things might improve in the future, take time to appreciate what’s good about where you are now. Trying new things, embracing change, and staying open to learning can make each phase more fulfilling. And as you plan for the future, don’t forget to celebrate the journey that brought you here.